Lore & Traditions

Twenty years of brotherhood, scholarship, character — and a bunch of beers. The rules are in the Constitution; this is the culture.

The Funnel Canon

The league runs on funnels. What's owed, and why:

The Tall Steve Rule. Score under 80 in a game and you owe 1 funnel for every 2 points under 80. Video or it didn't happen — no pics.
Blowout tax. Beaten by twice your score or worse? That's a funnel.
Paddling the school canoe. You better believe that's a funnel.
The Budwin Clause. Funnels must be alcoholic — no seltzer, no Diet Sprite. And always round up.
The Stanoch Clause. An illegal lineup is the gravest sin in the league: automatic loss, 31 funnels, and no free agents until they're paid.
The "Brad & Kevin are Cheatin' Cheats" Clause. Owe funnels and both your free agents and trades are frozen.
No storing funnels. They only count during the official funnel-off period.
Owe funnels? You can buy out low-score funnels at $5 each, straight to the prize pool.

The entire league does the Cupid Shuffle to open the draft.
All-paper draft. No computers, no internet, no exceptions.
Everyone makes and wears a jersey; the League Ass judges the best one (not their own), and the winner picks his seat.
Every owner does at least one funnel before the first nomination.
Propose a rule that fails? One-funnel penalty.

Determined by the Toilet Bowl — the bottom four teams battle to crown the worst. The League Ass:

Gets no keeper and no RFR.
Runs all draft documentation and the live max-bid/budget updates.
Sets up the draft location by the end of February (or funnels for every day late).
Performs karaoke, singing about how every other owner is superior to them.

Commissioner — currently Julio.
League Ass — currently Chip & Bill (last place buys the whole package).
The Supreme Court — three elected Justices, final word on all constitutional disputes, opinions published as case law. Seniority tiebreaks run all the way down to ritual order.

Draft weekend is a destination — Chicago, Charleston, RMNP, San Diego, Chateau Sully, Woodstock, Mountain Chalet, Big Sky, Asheville…
Roughly $1,000 of the pot funds the draft party, by tradition.
The reigning champ gets no free agents until they hand off the trophy with a fresh plaque.